I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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