she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
