i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
