Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
