it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
