you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Randomize
