i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
