My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
