I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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