they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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