Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
