That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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