she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
