he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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