Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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