No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
