Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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