youre lurking in front of me
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
