Whod you bang
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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