im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
