soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize