I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
