even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
