Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
