woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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