I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
