I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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