I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
