we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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