He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
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