All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
