apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
