my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
