i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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