honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
