I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
We talked him into tasing himself.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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