Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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