He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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