Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
