Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
