wanna go halves on a baby?
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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