i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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