the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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