Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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