You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
