omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
