what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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