Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
