Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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