wrigley field is MILF paradise
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
