I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
