Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
