Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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