I'm so fucking centered right now
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
