Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
