I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
