she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Randomize
