I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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