so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
