What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
