dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize