I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
