Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Randomize
