I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got inside last night via doggy door
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
