Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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