No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
