Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
