Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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