he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
