Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize