His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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