Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
