It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize