dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
