Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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