I wish I could punch you in the face.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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