Your face is a jimmy john
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
