Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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