she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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