Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
