bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
