Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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