no, he came in my armpit
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
