sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
