Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
