You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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