just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
