On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
