You smell like stripper and shame
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
