He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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