Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Randomize
