Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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