turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
