So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
