i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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