yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
