I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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