i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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