Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
