So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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