It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
