I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
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