I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
