im drinking this country out of the recession.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
