If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
