i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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