Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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