We're facebook friends in real life
and she was petting her beer can
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
