Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
this will be a night to untag.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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